You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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