He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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