Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
