ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
