Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you had me at cake vodka
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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