I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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