you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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