You're a womanizer and a bitch.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
