i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
