i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
