I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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