the condom got lost in my hair
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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