I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
