I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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