kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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