Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
