I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize