Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
