Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
