Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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