i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
