I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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