so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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