Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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