but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
