would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
