She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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