i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The feeling are messing with the penis
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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