I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Mom said you looked used
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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