Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
