You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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