if only i could text you this smell
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
