Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm bleeding and have questions
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
