girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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