He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
