Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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