i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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