i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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