Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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