You can't special order awesome
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
