sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
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Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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