I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
