My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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