you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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