The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
