I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
