in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
