Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it glows. i had to have it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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