Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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