We got so high we made milksteak
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
