So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it was like eating out sand paper
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
