I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
