I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
