He uses pillows to masturbate.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Everything about him screamed your future.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
