Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
