I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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