I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize