After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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