So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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