our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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