I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
