Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
