so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
