well he's currently spooning the coffee table
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
