I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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