you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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