He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
