I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
