Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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