Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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