Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
