that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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