I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
