That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
