And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
