Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
