i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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