I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I will pee on everything he values.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
