my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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