Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Green mimosas i think yes
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
